Bubbly.

Does anyone have the answer to complete happiness? It's funny how our moral can be squashed so quickly, yet brought back up by time and good glass of wine. What determines whether or not we will have a good day at work, or school? I've tried the whole "get pumped up" thing....bump to some tunes, splash cold water on your face, or put your OTHER leg into your pants first for a chance. A good cup of coffee. Green eggs and ham. I try to think of how my life could be different, for the worse, then remind myself of all the joys in my life. I've convinced myself over time that its just a hormonal freak out on my end that causes me to ponder day in and day out why I need to be happy, and why I struggle when all I seem to fall back on is Monday thru Friday 8-5. Maybe its just an age thing. I mean...who WANTS to surrender half of their income to taxes, or spend your entire evening after work cleaning and cooking dinner. It's funny to think of the American Dream...and how its just not so much of a dream. I can't complain for the job I have, or the home I own, and what it takes to get to the top, but whoever decided 40 hours a week was a good thing? It makes you transfer your thoughts on a career, and getting ahead...that you forget what true happiness is all about. I think it just comes when it wants to. You can sometimes control it, I suppose. I love when my husband comes home from work and surprises me with flowers, and spends the evening watching a movie and cuddling. Somehow that piled up load of darks has that still small voice! So...I'm going to challenge myself this week. The moment my eyes open to that darned alarm, I will tell myself 5 things that truly makes me happy.

For now, I am truly thankful for:
*a paycheck
*Kenny Chensey
*my customers
*friendship

~H3

Close call. oh, and I'm back.

I haven't decided whether or not to document every day's "happenings", or rather just when something exciting unfolds. So, first we can start with New Years Eve, the day I took TWO positive prego tests and then spent my Eve sober while the rest of my friends had a good time, per say. Sunday, two days later, I took another test, only to get a negative. After reading many forums, I was sure I had either had a quick miscarriage or still pregnant. Surely. After my doctor appointment today for something entirely different, my doc informed me she would check my already given urine sample for the hcg hormone. Negative. So now I have to wonder why ..'certain things' were tender and sore and why I got a positive result, twice over. The mystery I guess, will never be solved! I can't decide if I'm happy or not. I think secretly I was hoping I was, by some freak chance. My mom was "fertile mertile", so why couldn't I be, right? Weird. Now I have to cope with reminding myself that its okay to drink caffeine, or wine again. (And that I dont have to clean out one of our spare bedrooms). On another note, I hate talking on the phone. Loathe it entirely. I'd rather be shot.

That is all.

Today, I am thankful for:
*journals
*the untrained eye
*Pepsi
*understanding

~H3