Close call. oh, and I'm back.

I haven't decided whether or not to document every day's "happenings", or rather just when something exciting unfolds. So, first we can start with New Years Eve, the day I took TWO positive prego tests and then spent my Eve sober while the rest of my friends had a good time, per say. Sunday, two days later, I took another test, only to get a negative. After reading many forums, I was sure I had either had a quick miscarriage or still pregnant. Surely. After my doctor appointment today for something entirely different, my doc informed me she would check my already given urine sample for the hcg hormone. Negative. So now I have to wonder why ..'certain things' were tender and sore and why I got a positive result, twice over. The mystery I guess, will never be solved! I can't decide if I'm happy or not. I think secretly I was hoping I was, by some freak chance. My mom was "fertile mertile", so why couldn't I be, right? Weird. Now I have to cope with reminding myself that its okay to drink caffeine, or wine again. (And that I dont have to clean out one of our spare bedrooms). On another note, I hate talking on the phone. Loathe it entirely. I'd rather be shot.

That is all.

Today, I am thankful for:
*journals
*the untrained eye
*Pepsi
*understanding

~H3

I am....alive.

Alright...so once again here I am...trying this whole blogging thing via mobile. Please allow me to pipe in now and apologize for my cell's lack of a ''comma'' button. I've resorted to ''.....'' instead.

A new-found friend of mine Brittney (coincidently met in ...book club) sent me a link to her blog which in turn inspired me to recharge my own.

I had almost forgotten about you.

So a LOT has happened since the last time I logged on here. Where to begin...well...September 19th of 2009 on Bastendorf Beach in Charleston OR around 2:30pm I got engaged to my very best friend. Our tentative wedding date is June 26th of 2010 at a Butterfly Pavilion & Garden. Since then he has also become a full-time mechanical engineer for a local company. We have also purchased a new car: Honda Civic Si. So now we have the good-gas milage car...and my 10.7 mpg hog of a V8. I still love it- like the day I bought it. This week we will also be signing on papers to rent a townhouse! Our new neighbors are super friendly..about our age..and newly married- just like we will be. So for now it is all about pre-marital counseling and wedding planning. Honeymoon plans have changed & we are now vacationing in Riviera Maya (just a hop. skip. and a jump from Cancun) at an all-inclusive resort complete with honeymooner's package. Take it from the Roseburg girl who only knows State Parks in a tent for a vacation. I have never seen Disneyland nor anything remotely tropical...so this is bound to be a culture shock. I can't wait. Knock me off my feet Mexico- please! In the midst of all this honeymoon talk I forget to elaborate on the amazing man I am about to marry. I could go on for pages...or you could just resort to my former blog postings and see this hunk-of-a-stud yourself.

Speaking of this hunk-of-a-stud. Of all things I am worried about over married life...I am completely tossing and turning at night thinking about what I am suppose to feed this man till death do us part. Cooking makes me nervous.

Just.Cant.Stop.

Forgive me (in advance) for the lack of grammatical & punctuational correctness as I am attempting to Blog via mobile.

So I'm reading this book by Gary Chapman called ''The Five Love Languages''. Chapman describes 'how to express heartfelt commitment to your mate' by way of 5 different things: Quality Time. Words of Affirmation. Gifts. Acts of Service. Physical Touch.

Needless to say- I recommend it to anyone and everyone whether you're married or not. The kind of love he talks about can be applied to friendships...your work environment...church...just in the way you treat people & how they want to be treated. Not everyone's love language is the same- which Gary says unfortunately results in divorces and split families.

I picked this book up at our local Christian Bible book store for about $15...but my guess is you might score a good deal on Amazon or EBay.

And yes! I read too much. I'm still working on the Left Behind series...im now on book 9 out of 12. I'm still working on 'Walking With God'. What else am I going to do for 8 hours a day? Do get the book! And DO share it w/everyone around you!

Aspire to...and you will Find.

I aspire to not gossip
I have found that I wouldn’t like people talking about me, so I wouldn’t like to talk about them.

I aspire to do my best in college and come out swinging
I have found that there is more to life than who has the most friends or comments on MySpace or Facebook.

I aspire to be an awesome mom and the betty crocker wife
I have found that that’s all I’ve ever wanted to truly be.

I aspire to make mature decisions
I have found that I’m several steps ahead of most people my age..and I stand tall knowing I reached a point of maturity early in life.

I aspire to choose my friends wisely
I have found that the friends in my life the most are the ones worth fighting for.

I aspire to never follow the crowd
I have found that what the world says is right, popular, cool and fun... is generally always wrong.

I aspire to forgive and forget
I have found that holding grudges is nothing but a burden on no one’s shoulders but the one who carries them.

I aspire to never be jealous of what I wish I could have...or what I don’t have
I have found that I am far more blessed than not only most people my age, but most people in general.

I aspire to throw away my pride
I have found that it’s not the clothes you wear, the cars you drive, or the money you pretend to have that matter.

I aspire to make smart financial decisions
I have found that money will NEVER buy you complete happiness; the fun always wears off.

I aspire to show more compassion
I have found that in time, people need to be shown they are loved and cared for… even when the rest of the crowd doesn’t see them.

I aspire to take good care of my body; mentally, spiritually & physically
I have found that you only live life once and you can never take back a decision you have already made and completed.

I aspire to smile and laugh often
I have found that life is too short to be jealous, demeaning, prideful, lustful, and overall negative. There are so many more things to be thankful for to ever have to stop and be concerned with who is doing what or what juicy gossip has been leaked your way and who you can tell it to next.

I aspire to follow God’s Will and be compliant to the standards He has set for me as a child of the Most High
I have found that that is what life is all about and THAT is why I aspire to always do the best I can, yet be fully aware mistakes will be made, judgments will be passed, things will be said, and people will talk about anyone, anything and everything, opportunities will rise and at the same time be taken away, pride will come and go, jealousy will sting and hurt for a while… but that’s okay.

It’s not winning the race that rewards you; it’s having fun doing it and having the strength & endurance to persevere till the very end that makes every second worth trying.

Decisions.

Sometimes when you least expect it (or when you choose to neglect what's coming to you all along), life throws you a curve ball. It doesn't always have to be a bad one, no one ever said a curve ball was a bad thing, just another move in the game of life to mix things up a bit...make it interesting.

You can put things off as long as you want to, but it only builds up more and more, the more you choose to do so until the pressure is so incredibly strong, everything else, important or not, becomes obsolete. You know it's there, and so does everybody else. I find myself "weighing my options" in most every situation. Perhaps that's my way of coping with tough decisions that come my way, but for the most part, it generally works. I'm stuck in a scenario where I have weighed my options to either a) follow my heart and go with what I know is right or b) be stubborn, stay behind and be miserable yet..content in some factors.

It's easy to be a in comfort zone. And it's even easier to want to stay in it. We can't always live life in a place that makes us feel warm and fuzzy..who knows..we could be missing something great on the other side. Sometimes we have to jump on the train and follow the long road ahead.

Take risks in life, and don't be afraid to be happy.

Today, I am thankful for: Bible group, prayer, warm apple candles, VS lotion, socks, and fleece blankets.

Here's Your Free Boost:

Don't tell God how big the storm is...tell the storm how big God is!

Who Loves You?

I DO!!

Since the day I met you, I knew there was something very unique about you. About everything about you. I loved the way you talked to me and smiled at me…even in my childish immature ways. And I know I was nothing more than an annoyance to you (and Ryan). Every night at camp was dreadful, because I knew at some point during the night, I would have to leave you. Every morning was a blessing, because I knew once again I would get to see your smiling face! Of course, not being quite yet a teen, I was smitten with any boy that paid any attention to me in the least, and you gave me more than the other boys, so you were always my favorite. I was sad because I was aware that once camp was over, those little butterflies flying around in my stomach would soon collapse from our soon-to-be growing distance apart. And I couldn’t imagine never seeing you again- or at least until next year’s church camp took place. A little birdy revealed to me that you actually lived in Roseburg! I was so excited! From that point on, our relationship kind of flourished- awkwardly. I was first friends with Tab. From Tab I met Jordan, plus Jared and Rachel. I remember spending Graffiti together with a group of our friends (I miss your Jeep) for years. We spent countless movie nights side by side and went on many riding trips. It’s amazing to find that our favorite hobby brought us together, and at one of the places we love the most. On January 19th of 2008, I met my best friend and saw him in a whole new light. Fate, I believe, played a large roll in the beginning of “You and I”. The night before, we had plans to go to the dunes with Jordan and Pickens. Jordan ended up having to go back to school, and Pickens remembered he had to work the next morning, so, that left the two of us. We were so anxious to go, we just decided to meet up at your house, load up your quad and drive to the coast! I remember how awkward, yet no-so-much the drive over there went. We talked about a whole line up of things…the way your truck sounded (and smoked) when you fired it up, all kinds of engine stuff (that went WAY over my head)…but I listened and pretended to understand, because I knew that’s what made sense to you. We got so excited because everyone in Roseburg said the weather was going to be terrible at the coast (it was raining in town), however, about halfway there, the sun shined so bright we could hardly see. More serious conversations fell, and I remember becoming frustrated with my history of relationships (mainly just frustrated that I didn’t have you), and asking you “is there something wrong with me? Am I doing something wrong?” You kept assuring me I was doing nothing wrong, but just attracting all the wrong people. I kept hinting at what you might be looking for in a girlfriend. You reminded me of how much I “matured” over the years, blah blah blah. We talked about that most of the way to the dunes. We had a great day. The sun shone most of the day, and sprinkled the rest. We rode for a couple of hours at Horsfall and took a lunch break to Taco Bell, as we usually did when we went to the coast with friends. After Taco Bell, we drove back over to ride again, only this time, it was raining harder. We sat in your truck watching the rain fall for at least a half an hour, picking up where our conversation left off earlier. The rain didn’t calm down for a while, so we decided to go to the end lot and walk out to the beach. We walked around talking for a while, and checked out the wrecked ship stuck in the sand, and laughed about how we could easily pop a tire riding on that beach! Once the rain slowly died down, we headed back to truck and stopped midway on the little wooden walkway they had built leading up the beach entrance. We had a conversation talking about how good of friends we’ve become over the years, how much we’ve grown up, were alike, and how much we’ve experienced as individuals. We were glad to be able to talk again after about a year of ‘solitary confinement’. We went back to the dune entrance and rode some more. I remember night time fell and we decided to go to Spinreel and do a little night riding. We both knew it was crazy because no one was out there in the event we needed help, but we were young and dumb! We did it! We unloaded the bike in the rain and went for it. The very first large dune we came across was entirely too steep, for any quad really. We plunged into the sand and I fell backwards as the bike came to a sudden stop. The dune was as vertical as it gets. We laughed, after we realized neither of us was hurt, got back on the bike, and took off to head back to the truck (it was safer there). It was a long, eventful, yet successful day. We grew a lot in our friendship and brought our comfort level back to where it use to be and then some. We spent about a year forbidden to talk to one another, and yet it felt like it was just a day. The first half hour of the drive was silent. We both knew what each other was thinking, but neither of us wanted to be the first to fess up. Finally, out of nowhere, you spoke up. The first line out of your mouth was “So, I want to know how you feel about me. As in, you and I.” I pinched myself like they do in the movies. I just knew this wasn’t happening. I had been head over heels for you for years, but just came to realize that nothing would ever come of it. I had convinced myself that I wasn’t good enough for you, and that you deserved better. I sat there silent, and repeated your question in my head a million times over until it dawned on me that you were really being honest. “Say something!” you demanded. Hahaha. I wish I could have, but I was in too much shock. I had to roll my jaw up off the floor before I could muster up enough courage to answer your question. But I did. I could have talked your ear off with all the built up conversations I had ran through my head all day long. If you didn’t say something first, I would have. We agreed to slowly work our way into our newfound relationship, to “get to know each other better”. That never held true. From that night on, our relationship flourished immediately. Not a day went by that I wasn’t completely head over heels for you. To this day, January 19th of 2009, one year after our solo dune trip, I am still head over heels for you. This letter could go on and on and on, but you know what all fits into the empty spaces, and that’s what matters. I’m only reminding you of the beginning as I remember it like it was just yesterday. Fate put us through so many trials and tribulations from one relationship to another. I think the reason we were never satisfied is because fate wanted us to be together. It is perfect, because it was suppose to be. The best part is, we have so much more to look forward to. Our lives haven’t even begun yet. To many more years spent together…